It’s the first day of English class:

Teacher: “Hi. How are you?”
Students: “I’m fine, thank you. And you?”

This dialog is so simple that you often make jokes about it.

Later, you learn other responses: “I’m happy.” “I’m so-so.” “I’m sick.” “I’m not good.”

Then, you travel to the United States. Suddenly, this simple greeting isn’t so simple:

American: “Hi. How are you?”
You: “I’m not too well.”
American: “…” [Looks confused and doesn’t know what to say.]

What happened?

How to Answer the Question

The thing is, “How are you?” isn’t a real question. It looks like a question and sounds like a question, but it really just means “Hi.” Because it isn’t a real question, you shouldn’t give a real answer. Instead, always give a positive answer. For example:

“Great! How about you?”
“Oh, pretty good. You?”
“Fantastic! How ’bout yourself?”

Note that some conversational grammar can be different from standard grammar. (And ’bout is contracted from about.) You should give an answer similar to one of the above any time someone asks you how you’re doing, unless you know the person well. Even then, be careful. Remember, it usually isn’t a real question. If the other person wants to know how you’re really doing, they might ask you a second time. Then you can give the real answer.

If you give a negative answer, people feel like they should ask you more about it and sympathize with you. But they didn’t want a conversation about your problems; they only wanted to say hi. So, if you say:

“I’m sick today and my dog died.”

The other person will feel awkward and won’t know how to respond. They weren’t expecting such an answer. Just give a positive answer, even if it isn’t true. It isn’t really a lie. It’s just part of saying hi.

And, if you noticed that I used they when you expected me to use he or she, click here to read about singular they.